Some of my earliest memories in life involve spending weekends with my dad, Alan James Young, his brother, Frederick Young, and their mum, Alice May Young - known to all as May. 

 

My nanny lived a simplistic life; she enjoyed sitting in her chair, watching the world go by, whilst often reading a book. She cared little for television, other than programs more suited to her generation, such as The Antiques Roadshow or Dad's Army.

 

No matter how hard I try, I cannot recall my nanny ever looking younger than my final memories of her. Throughout my lifetime, she always had entirely grey hair, which was permed. She was a creature of habit for the styles of clothing she wore and, to the best of my recollection, little changed in her appearance other than the wrinkles, of which we all succumb to. 

So it came as little surprise to me when my nanny became ill - I was always conscious of her age. The last time I visited nanny in her care home, as I approached her for the final time, her eyes opened, she looked at me, and smiled.

 

Nanny passed away peacefully on April 3, 2007. Nanny May was my first personal experience of loss. Although some of my relatives, such as my grandad Fred, had passed away, I was too young to know or understand. How do I deal with loss? Like much in my life, the answer came through music. Lyrics began to mean more to me and I felt like I had a deeper connection with songs after my nanny passed. It all made more sense. I discovered how I would address my feelings about nanny's passing - I would write how I felt. 

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All that you lost, is easily found

Take it in your grasp and walk away now

So, I'll take your hand and place it in mine

I was always your friend - I'm so glad you were mine

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So, there's a time when you just seemed lost

Forget the directions that you've come across

Go 'way from me and find your own way

In this life it's easy to live day by day

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I'm lost in confusion, can't find the time

I need a helping hand, and you'll do just fine

You were the first one I lost and I'm sad

It seems I'm confused about what I once had

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You left behind all that you loved

I'll never forget you and all that you was

There's one thing for sure, that'll guide me for a while

I held your hand, and I saw you smile

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(C) Adrian Young (2007)

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